Loose Ends

‪There’s one particular open conversation I wish I’d had with someone...and every so often that dismay springs from its chains, finds its way out of darkness, sprints up my chest, claws up my throat and holds it hostage.

And it’s been donkey’s years. But every time this happens it feels like it was yesterday.

And so each time I’m afflicted, I have to mine harder to find something that will destroy it once and for all...but I never do. All I ever manage is to compile a new anthology of obsessive rationalisations, reason 4 billion and 5 of why I can’t hang on to an unrewritable the past, must snuff out unsupported and irrational hope, and move on.

But then comes another trigger out of the blue. And it’s always the most improbable thing.

‪This is why I hate loose ends. ‬

You climb a mountain, and suddenly it reveals itself to be an previously-dormant-now-active volcano.

I’m not equipped to end this cycle yet, but sometimes I allude to it here... and I feel better.

First published: December 6th 2018