S3, Account 5: Esme

Xavier’s dad died a week ago. It was just after Leeta had finished doing my hair. She was putting in some clips and we heard Aunty Felicia cry aloud. We all ran downstairs and went to Uncle Eric’s room. The door was open and Aunty Felicia was crying. I started crying, we all started crying. I didn’t know what had happened, but Mae was holding me and crying. I don’t remember much about what happened after that. All I know is that I haven’t been round to their house for a week. Mummy said they needed space and it wouldn’t be nice to “impose on them” now. I’m not sure what that means, but I do remember going round to Xavier’s house after a few days with my mum. Aunty Felicia opened the door. I was so happy to see her, I ran to her and hugged her, she kissed me, started crying and gave me a really big hug. My mum was talking to her as she hugged me, I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but not long after, we left to go home. We never went inside. When we got home I asked Mummy what she said to Aunty Felicia. She said that she told her she was “sorry for her loss” and that I wouldn’t be going to their house for a while to give them some space.

That upset me a lot. I asked Mummy why, and she must have been in one of her bad moods because she started shouting at me asking me if I belong to that house or ours. She said “Everything doesn’t revolve around what Esme wants!”. I started crying because I hate when Mummy shouts at me. I try my hardest to be a good girl, but I don’t think she likes me anyway. When Mummy saw that I was crying, she came towards me saying sorry and tried to hug me, but I ran to my room, got into my bed and hugged my teddy and I was still crying. I fell asleep and when I woke up, Mummy was stroking my head saying sorry. I told her that it was okay and that I loved her. She said “I love you too Esme” and I felt so so happy. She hardly ever says that.

Originally posted: July 29, 2021