Aloof

I'm always on the brink of doing something, saying something, and feeling something.

I am still pursuing equilibrium.

I use many things to drown out this onerous and repetitive mental tug of war.

It's hard balancing this on a regular basis.

I wrote paragraphs below this, which I subsequently deleted. I remain double-minded.

I don't know how to pin-point the middle of my see-saw, but I know the root of it lies in fear. Not a fear of death, nor fear of God, but a fear of transparency.

I don't want to give it, if I'm not going to get it back. I don't want to open the book, and have pages torn out. I am not willing to surrender, until I see the opposite sacrifice. I am not willing to do, say, or feel...until I can see the twin manifestations moving towards me on the horizon.

I do parts, I say bits, I feel some things. And I leave it there.

Like I said...I'm still working on it.

First published: June 4th 2016